The Advice given by My Father Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who still internalise negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."